


Feel Good

by justkeeponwriting



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:43:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkeeponwriting/pseuds/justkeeponwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel first meet at a summer camp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel Good

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [prompt on tumblr](http://justkeeponwriting.tumblr.com/post/94551362162/feel-good-prompt-by-appleblossomdean-deans): "d&c meet at a summer camp every year/friends to lovers maybe? ;)" Posted here due to sheer size (personally, I think it's easier to read fic here than on tumblr), though I'm not that happy with this.

Dean’s first summer without his mother, frankly, _sucks ass_. That is exactly what Dean writes down on his notebook – not a diary, because those are for girls – and Dean stands by it when summer finally wraps up and he gets to go back to school. Dean doesn’t even like school, but when autumn finally arrives, he’s never been happier to go back to the same old faces and boring teachers and copying his Math homework from Lisa.

Dean is nine years old when his mother dies. He doesn’t really understand it at first, because nobody ever tells him anything, but he understands that his father is upset and that his mother isn’t coming back. She dies in November, but Dean doesn’t really understand that she’s truly gone until the funeral in December, when grandpa yells at dad and grandma drags him out of the memorial. When grandpa and grandma leave, slamming the door behind them, Dean suddenly understands what the empty look in his dad’s eyes means and how they’re going to go on after this.

They don’t. Or, they do, but dad’s not really there anymore, and when he is, he just yells at Dean and Sam. Dad is gone for long periods of time, and at first, Dean and Sam are both angry about that, but when dad’s home, dad can’t really stand them, either. So the house becomes a full-on war zone, because the more John is away, trying to earn money, the more Dean and Sam try to get his attention by doing every nasty trick they have up their sleeve. John has no patience for their attempts at attention hogging, and Dean and Sam have no understanding of John’s attempt at grieving by throwing himself to work, but obviously the nine-year-old Dean only grasps the situation much, much later when he looks back on it.

It only gets worse, because when June comes, dad says that Dean’s going away for summer. Dad’s sending him on a freaking summer camp of all things, one that is “designed to keep stupid boys like you out of trouble, Dean, and god help me if I get as much as a phone call, you’ll be sitting in the basement for the rest of the summer.”

Sammy, being too young to go, is being sent off to Ellen and Bobby. Dean is jealous, although he’s glad he doesn’t have to endure playing with Jo. She likes to pull his hair and climb on his lap and dump all her Legos on him, and Dean really doesn’t want to deal with _kids_ like that.

So, come June, and Dean is driven to a lake he has never seen before, dropped off to the gates and left there. Dad drives away with Sam, who waves at Dean from the window, and Dean waves back and tries not to be too angry at the tired-looking woman who comes to greet him.

“Hello, and welcome. You must be Dean.”

“Yeah,” Dean mumbles, and shakes the lady’s hand, because that’s apparently something you do when you’re an adult. The lady leads him to the main building and then shows him around the place – there are several small cottages, and the one Dean is staying in is almost next to the main building where they’ll be eating. Dean meets his roommate Balthazar, who is a few years older than him and instantly dislikes Dean. Dean instantly dislikes him back.

All in all, the camp is boring. Dean didn’t really get the short description his dad gave him before driving him there, but it turns out that the camp is some sort of odd mash-up of arts and crafts and building stuff and cooking. There are lots of kids there, but they are separated for different activities, and while Dean talks to a lot of people during his first days, he doesn’t really get to know anyone. He doesn’t want to. The camp is stupid, and he wants to go to Bobby and Ellen’s like Sam, or home, or back to school, and not sleep on the hard bed and ignore Balthazar talking about what they did during the day. He just wants to go _home_.

On the fourth day, Dean is put in a group that is going to build… something, Dean’s not really listening. He’s already skipped a few other group things, and he’s planning on skipping this one as well and just go swim in the lake. It’s not like anyone ever notices him missing, anyway.

When they’re divided into groups and shown the materials, Dean quietly just inches away from his group, and then turns around and marches off while everyone’s contemplating the materials. He manages to get away from the clearing and skips off into the woods, heading straight back to the cottages to get his swimming trunks. However, he doesn’t get very far from others, because a sudden voice stops him.

“Don’t you want to build a house?”

Dean stops dead to his tracks. There’s a boy is sitting on the ground, his legs arranged broadly in a v shape like he’s a baby, and there are all sorts of wooden sticks, slats, branches, and rope around him. He’s sitting alone, away from all the others, and apparently building something more resembling a box than a house. Dean stares at the boy, and the boy stares calmly back.

Dean doesn’t know what to say. He frowns, and then remembers that the boy probably addressed him and is expecting an answer to the earlier question, so he just coldly says, “No.”

“Oh.” The boy calmly takes another branch, breaks it in two and adds another piece to his weird pile. “Do you want to build a treehouse, then?”

Dean stares. “You’re a freak,” he announces, and walks away.

 

* * *

 

It turns out the boy’s name is Castiel. Freaky name for a freaky boy, Dean snorts in his mind, and continues to ignore Castiel for the rest of the camp. Dean only learns Castiel’s name because inconveniently enough, Balthazar is apparently Castiel’s cousin, and when Balthazar learns that Dean and Castiel are the same age and exchanged those unforgettable five lines, he instantly starts to harass Dean about being nice to Cas and how Cas is a bit odd but he’s so nice and blah blah _blah_. Dean shuts his ears from Balthazar completely when he says that he wants to be alone, and Balthazar takes that as an insult. (That doesn’t stop Balthazar from talking, however. He just insults Dean a lot more now.)

Dean doesn’t want to be friends with anyone, least of all with a lonely freak like Castiel. Dean just wants to go home, or to Ellen and Bobby’s and spend the days playing with Sammy (and Jo, if he has to). He doesn’t want to be stuck in this stupid camp where his dad abandoned him. So, Dean spends the four weeks at the camp ignoring Balthazar’s rambling, turning away when Castiel as much as accidentally glances at him, and skips off to swim in the lake by himself. He gets so good at sneaking away that no one ever even notices him missing, and when the adults need them all in the same space, Dean is there for the headcount. He finds a great spot in the lake: there is a small beach there, the water is clear and surprisingly warm, and there aren’t sharp rocks in the ground. That’s where Dean spends most of his time, when he’s not pretending to be interested in the cooking lessons or whatever they’re doing in the evenings.

His dad doesn’t get a call from the adults, and when the camp concludes, dad just appears, takes Dean and drives them home, via Bobby and Ellen’s to get Sam. Dean is secretly happy when autumn finally arrives and school starts again. He didn’t miss school all that much, but he’s happy to be back with his usual friends and Sammy. Dean firmly puts his mind in school and everything that is _normal_ , and tries to forget the summer that sucked so much.

Not two days after school starts, he’s rudely reminded of the past summer. Dean’s sitting with Lisa and Benny during lunch, when he suddenly notices a familiar face in the crowd. It’s not obvious at first – something catches his attention, but then he has to think why it caught his attention in the first place.

It takes Dean a few seconds to place the face among the eating crowd, but when he does, he has a double-take and stares at the boy again. It’s Castiel, the lonely freak from the summer camp, and apparently he goes to Dean’s school.

Castiel doesn’t notice Dean’s staring at first, and when he does, he only lifts his eyes, blinks in surprise, and then looks down again. Dean assumes that this means that they’re going to ignore each other just like back in camp, and goes back to his food. He doesn’t look up again.

 

* * *

 

Dean’s second summer without his mother starts a bit better. Dean doesn’t miss her constantly anymore, but when dad says that he’s sending both Dean and Sam to the same camp, Dean is instantly reminded how much the camp _sucked_ last year and protests. He doesn’t want to room with anyone like Balthazar again, he doesn’t want to spend four weeks in the woods, and most of all, he doesn’t want to be abandoned to a camp again.

Dad doesn’t listen. Dean and Sam are shipped off to the camp, although even Sammy whines a little and says that he wants to go to Ellen and Bobby’s again.

“Don’t worry,” Dean assures Sam when they arrive, “we’ll be okay. It’s gonna be fun.”

Dean doesn’t believe in his own words, but he wants Sammy to be okay, so he pretends. Sammy sniffles a little, but instantly stands up straight when a woman comes to greet them. This is a different lady than last year, and Dean at least tries to pretend to be interested when she happily shows them around the place. The camp is exactly the same as last year, and Dean takes a little comfort in the fact that at least he has Sammy with him now. He can show Sam around, and they can skip the stupid cooking lessons together and go to swim in the lake, or play in the woods.

One comfort is that they’re rooming together. Sam takes a look at the cottage they’re given, places his bag in the left bed and manages to even smile a bit by now. Dean notices that, and smiles to himself. Maybe this summer won’t suck as much.

“Dad said that we’re gonna cook and build things here.”

“Yeah,” Dean says.

“Do you think we’ll make pancakes?” Sam asks, now excited.

Dean thinks about all the group gatherings he skipped. “I don’t know,” he confesses.

In retrospect, Dean probably should have expected how well Sam takes to liking the camp. Dean and Sam skip the first two building activities, whatever they are, and Dean shows Sam around the camp area and the woods, but Sam quickly grows bored of just randomly wandering around, and so Dean agrees to attend the next activities with Sam. Dean is really put in another group than Sam, but there’s no way he’s letting Sammy out of his sight, so he tags along when Sammy’s group starts to build a treehouse. The lady who welcomed them to camp is giving advice to Sammy’s group and helping them, and Dean quickly realizes that he’s not needed at all. Sam gets along with the other kids in his group, and starts to make friends and enjoys building the treehouse so much that he forgets Dean is even there.

Dean waits patiently that evening, but when the group resumes building the house the next day and Sam doesn’t spare him a glance for an hour, Dean decides that he’s had enough and wanders off. He’s glad that Sam gets along with everyone and seems to have fun, but that leaves Dean alone again, and again, he blames dad for dumping them in this stupid camp and not taking them to Bobby and Ellen’s like previous years. Dean misses the summers when mom and dad would put them in the car, didn’t tell them where they were going, and Dean and Sam would know that they were going to Bobby and Ellen’s but acted surprised for their parents’ sake. Dean loved those summers the most: playing outside with Sammy and Jo, blowing soap bubbles with mom, biking with dad.

Dean kicks the ground and walks to his secret place by the lake. He figures that if he’s going to spend this year the same way as last, at least he has his own place and no one can annoy him there.

The small beach by the lake is silent compared to the laughter and shrieks of the campside, and Dean enjoys the solitude as he shucks away his clothes and jumps into the water naked. He’s too lazy to go get his swimming trunks from the cottage, but it’s not like anyone can see him here.

The water isn’t that warm, but Dean ignores that and just dives in. He swims as far as he dares, looks at the opposite shore and thinks that maybe he should try swimming there one day. He dives in, and turns in the water and surfaces much closer to the beach. He’s still blinking away the water in his eyes when a strange voice says from the beach:

“You shouldn’t swim alone. You could drown.”

Dean screams. (He denies this later, of course.)

The person on the beach doesn’t even blink at Dean’s distress. “Did I scare you?”

“No!” Dean yells. He wipes the water away from his face, and when he finally sees who managed to scare him, he only gets annoyed. Castiel, with his odd, mussed black hair and perpetual frown, looks equally annoyed at Dean.

Dean then remembers that he’s completely naked in the water, and dips deeper. The water is suddenly too clear for his liking.

“This is my place,” Dean says challengingly.

Castiel blinks. Dean instantly thinks the reaction as an over-reaction and douchey. “I don’t see your name anywhere.”

“I’ve been coming here since last summer!” Dean hisses. “Get your own beach!”

“Well, I’ve been here for four summers,” Castiel says. He stands with his hands in his pockets, looking oddly bored at the discussion.

Dean hesitates at that. There’s some sort of odd bond between them – Dean knows Castiel from the camp as well as from school, and he knows that Castiel knows this, too. Although they’ve never really talked, there’s a strange affinity to finally addressing each other. They look at each other, calculating, though Dean firmly stays where he is in the water and isn’t planning on coming to the shore as long as Castiel is there.

“You go to my school,” Dean hesitantly says.

“It’s not ‘your’ school,” Castiel says.

“Shut up,” Dean mutters. “We go to the same school, okay. So it’s weird that we’re both here.”

Castiel only stares at him. Dean frowns.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“You told me to shut up.”

Dean looks at Castiel, really looks at him. He vaguely remembers Balthazar’s rambling from last year and something about Cas being odd, and apparently Balthazar was telling the truth for once.

“You’re weird,” Dean says after a while.

“So are you,” Castiel replies.

Dean thinks about this assessment for a minute. “Yeah,” he finally concedes.

“You shouldn’t swim alone,” Castiel remarks then, looking concerned. Dean rolls his eyes.

“Well, if you come to the water, then I’m not swimming alone, am I?”

Castiel thinks about this for a second. Then he nods. “I don’t have trunks.”

“So go get them,” Dean says.

“No, I mean,” Castiel says, suddenly turning his look elsewhere, “I don’t… own any.”

“Oh,” Dean says. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I don’t have anything on, either.” He grins a bit at Castiel, and after one hesitant moment, Castiel smiles back.

Dean turns away and swims farther, waiting for Castiel to jump into the water. Castiel doesn’t; Dean hears a sharp intake of breath, and when he turns around, he sees that Castiel is in the water up to his waist, and very slowly inches forward. Dean rolls his eyes.

“Just jump in!”

“But this way, I get used to the coldness,” Castiel argues.

“Coward,” Dean just retorts. He swims to Castiel, and while Castiel is still trying to get used to the temperature, Dean splashes water at Castiel. The first wave hits Castiel straight in the face, and he blinks for a moment, flabbergasted that someone would do that to him. When Dean laughs at his expression, Castiel kicks the water powerfully with his leg and completely drenches Dean.

That’s an open declaration of war to Dean, and within seconds, they’re involved in a huge water fight. Despite his initial confusion, Castiel learns fast and plays downright dirty: the fight ends when Castiel dives into the water and yanks Dean out of balance by grabbing his ankles. Dean swallows a mouthful of water and is still spitting it out when Castiel surfaces, ages later. He’s wearing a goofy grin on his face, so Dean just shakes his head and doesn’t get angry.

“D’you think we can swim to the other side?” Dean asks when he’s got his breath back.

Castiel looks at the shore, frowning a little and apparently doing calculations in his head. Finally, he declares, “It’s too far away.”

“Don’t be boring, Cas,” Dean says.

“I’m being realistic,” Castiel states seriously. Dean doesn’t know what that means, but he doesn’t try to swim to the opposite shore. He has much more fun by yanking Cas suddenly off-balance and starting another water fight, anyway.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the four weeks spent at the camp turn out to be much more enjoyable now that Dean has got to know Cas. Despite Balthazar’s insistence that Cas is a weird guy, Dean doesn’t see much of that after their first encounters. Cas knows freakily much about nature and random stuff that Dean’s never even heard of, and Dean doesn’t even feel an ounce of guilt when he skips out on the camp activities to spend time with Cas by the lake. Dean is in awe when Cas can name pretty much every plant in sight and rattles off their Latin names.

“Were you raised by the wolves or something?” Dean asks him one day. Castiel contemplates this for a moment.

“Wolves don’t talk. I wouldn’t be able to talk if I had been.”

“No, I know that, I mean, you know so much about nature.”

“I read.”

“Of course you do,” Dean scoffs, but it’s good-natured, because whenever they’re not swimming in the lake or playing in the woods (or forced to partake in group activities for the sake of appearance), Castiel likes to sit down in a quiet place and read whatever he can get his hands on. Dean only brought two books with him – he doesn’t even own that many books, because dad’s always telling him how much books cost and how Dean should just use the library if he wants something – but Castiel, meanwhile, has fourteen books in his bag. The books range from detective stories to ornithology (a word that Cas had to explain to Dean), but the most amazing thing is that Cas read them all in three weeks.

Sometimes, Dean feels dull compared to Cas. But then again, Castiel says the same thing about Dean; he hasn’t seen any of the cartoons or movies that Dean likes, and after a long and awkward discussion, Cas confessed that his mom doesn’t let him watch TV at all. “That’s okay,” Dean said immediately, “you can come to my house to watch. Dad doesn’t care.”

“I heard about a boy who was raised by wolves,” Dean then remembers. “I saw it on TV. He couldn’t talk. And he was more wolf-like than human.”

“Did he walk on all fours?”

“Uhh, yeah, I think.”

Cas nods as if that’s the only reasonable answer. “I wonder how he talked to his pack.”

“What?”

“Wolves use their tales to communicate,” Cas muses. “Humans don’t have a tail. And we can’t smell as well as wolves.”

“You’re a freak, Cas,” Dean says, but it’s affectionate.

Although Dean and Cas get very well along after the first, fumbling attempt at friendship, Castiel definitely lands himself in Dean’s good graces when he proves to get along with Sammy. Dean doesn’t talk about Cas to Sam at all before the two meet, but it turns out that it’s not needed; three days after Dean and Castiel met by the lake, Sam is still building the treehouse with his team. Dean (who left his team and doesn’t even know who belongs to his team anymore) and Cas (who, as it turned out, was mostly avoided by everyone else and left out from the group) simply drop by Sam’s building team, and Cas takes one look at their building and asks to join in. The other kids are a bit hesitant at first, but when Sam simply hands Cas some rope, they all accept Cas and Dean as additional members. Cas and Sam end up finishing the (admittedly, rather poorly put-together and definitely not livable) treehouse together, while Dean beams proudly from the background.

Sam is overjoyed when one evening, they’re divided into smaller groups in the campside and indeed, make thin pancakes over the open fire. The kids make the batter and the adults make them over the fire, and there’s definite joy in sitting in a circle by the fire. Dean doesn’t even remember how reluctant he was to come to the camp when he’s sitting squeezed between Sam and Cas and munching on a slightly burned pancake.

“Next time, we should make s’mores,” one of kids (Dean’s already forgotten her name, although he knows Sam hangs out with her a lot) says.

“Yeah!” her friend agrees. “Miss Jody, can we make those tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” Jody says. The light of the fire dancing on her face makes her smile even broader.

“What are s’mores?” Cas asks.

“You’ve never had s’mores before?” Dean asks, scandalized. Up until now, he’s thought that everyone made those at summer, because that’s what he used to do with mom: whenever they stayed with Ellen and Bobby, some evenings they would go out to the backyard and make fire and make s’mores. It’s one of his favorite things about summer.

Cas curls in on himself, clearly embarrassed again, and Dean quickly tries to console his friend. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you get to taste them soon.”

“They’re made from marshmallows and crackers,” Sammy helpfully explains from Dean’s other side. “And chocolate.”

“That sounds really sweet,” Cas says. He sounds hesitant, and Dean doesn’t understand how anyone could ever dislike anything sweet.

“They’re awesome, Cas,” Dean confidently says. “I bet you’re gonna love them.”

Cas doesn’t look so sure, and from that point on, it’s Dean’s mission in life to convince Cas otherwise. His first step is to talk to Jody – she’s the nicest adult around, and Dean actually has attended some activities she leads. It takes Dean three days and a few heart-broken stares before Jody relents and promises that they’ll make s’mores. Dean’s second step is to make sure Cas gets over his prejudice and actually eats them, because when they finally makes s’mores a few nights later, Cas eyes the food like it’s out to get him.

“They’re not gonna burn your fingers,” Dean promises. “Just try one.”

Cas looks hesitant, but takes one when Jody offers him. Sammy eating happily on Dean’s other side probably convinces Cas to finally eat the food, and Dean eagerly waits for the judgment.

Cas licks his fingers clean, and then turns to Dean.

“They’re okay,” Cas declares, and everything is right in the world again.

Funnily enough, Cas marvels most the marshmallows; he stops for a long time to just play with them, to feel them stick to his fingers. Dean simply stuffs everything he’s given right into his mouth and looks like a confused chipmunk when he notices Cas playing with the candy.

“I like the marshmallows best,” Cas confesses. “They’re interesting when they melt.”

“You’re supposed to eat them, not study them,” Dean snorts, but he secretly smiles.

“Yes, Dean, I know,” Cas says when he notices Dean’s staring, “I’m a freak.”

“Yup,” Dean says, and the boys grin at each other.

 

* * *

 

The summer ending doesn’t spell an end to Dean and Castiel’s friendship; rather, it transforms with the new setting. Despite spending four weeks together during the summer, they’re both a bit hesitant when school starts and they have to adapt their friendship into a situation where they’re always in different classrooms and only share lunch hour. There are no woods or lakes anywhere near them, but they quickly discover that making a map out of the school, its grounds and the neighborhood is just as fun. When they realize that they live only a short bike-ride from each other, it’s easy to slip into the new situation where Cas comes over to Dean’s almost every day to watch TV or play board games or PlayStation. Dean’s visits to Cas’s home are rarer, because Cas’s mom is the meanest person alive and also hates fun (as Dean puts it; Cas prefers the term “strict”). The two upsides to being at Cas’s is that Cas’s mother is a great cook – when she remembers that her son exists – and that because of her nonsensical rules, they develop an effortless non-verbal communication system. When December arrives, Dean can already tell from a subtle twitch of Cas’s eye that he’s really not looking forward to spending Christmas with his cousins, despite his mother insisting otherwise. Likewise, Cas is very fluent in Dean’s angry stares, and knows that those are not directed at Cas but rather at Dean’s father for never being at home.

“Mom’s sending me away to Uncle Zach’s for Christmas,” Castiel says one evening when they’re lounging in the living room and playing _Tekken 3_. Dean is winning, obviously, because Cas has never had as much time to practice as Dean. Cas never complains about this, though; he just frowns, picks a new character he hasn’t tried yet and smashes the buttons twice as hard. Ultimately, Dean will always take pity on Cas and tell him what buttons to push for which attacks.

“Who’s Uncle Zach?” Dean asks, absently, as he sends Cas’s character flying in the air.

“He’s…” Cas hesitates, and Dean knows that Cas is either trying to work up the courage to swear (something his mother has strictly forbade him to do), or he’s trying to remember a proper counter-attack for Dean’s assault. It turns out to be the latter, because Dean’s character stumbles back under Cas’s attack and Cas ends up winning the round.

“I think he’s my mom’s cousin, actually,” Cas says then. A new round begins on the screen, and they continue the game. “I don’t know. I don’t like him. But everyone goes to him during Christmas. All my cousins do.”

“How many cousins do you have?” Dean doesn’t even know if he has cousins, so Cas’s huge family tree never ceases to surprise him.

“I don’t know. Twenty-seven? Thirty?” Cas muses out loud. “I think Balthazar’s going to be there.”

“Balthazar’s an ass,” Dean says. That’s a mistake, because Cas suddenly pushes the buttons harsher than he has any right to and almost breaks the controller.

“Don’t call him that!” Cas snaps.

“What?” Dean’s eyes widen in shock. Cas _never_ yells at him. “But he is! He’s annoying and he talks too much!”

“He’s the only one who’s nice to me!”

“He called you odd and made fun of you!”

The game ends up on a standstill, because Cas throws the controller in the ground and pushes himself up from the floor. Dean yells an angry “hey!” after Cas’s retreating form, because the PlayStation is his most valuable possession. Dean puts his own controller on the ground and rushes to check the damage on the other.

“Don’t break my game!”

“It’s a stupid game anyway!” Cas yells from the hall.

“You just suck at it!” Dean forgets his own advice and throws the controller on the ground as he rushes after Cas. “You know what? You’re just angry because I’m right!”

Cas is pulling his coat on and pretends not to hear Dean.

“Hello? Anybody home?” Dean grinds his teeth when Cas continues to ignore him. “You’re such a baby!”

“Shut up, you assbutt!” Cas yells. Dean’s too shocked to reply, and then it’s too late, because Cas runs out of the house and slams the door behind him. Cas’s scarf is left on the floor, fallen behind, and the game is still running in the living room, a reminder of how abruptly everything happened.

Dean doesn’t often feel such pressing shame, but when his anger dissolves, he feels the shame press down his shoulders. But he doesn’t call Cas and tell him that he’s sorry, because that would be giving in. He’s not sorry. Balthazar’s an ass, and lying won’t change that.

He just sorry that he yelled at Cas over such a stupid thing.

Christmas comes and vacation separates them very soon after that, and for all Dean knows, Cas might not even be in the same country. There are no lights on at Cas’s house when Dean walks by a few times, and he doesn’t have any other phone number than to Cas’s house, so he has no means of contacting Cas.

Whatever. He’s better off without that baby, anyway. Dean conveniently forgets all about Cas when Ellen and Bobby with Jo come over for Christmas, and it’s not like when mom was still alive, but Dean’s starting to forget her already; Ellen’s cooking has replaced what mom made on Christmas, and Jo’s laughter drowns all the sad memories of Dean and Sam sitting silently under a tree during the first Christmas without mom. Dad’s silently drinking in the corner, but he always is, so that fades out into the background as just one quirk about Christmas.

Dean doesn’t see Cas until school starts again. The first day of school passes by, and they don’t see each other, but on second day, Dean runs into Cas in the school yard during a break. They awkwardly circle around each other, until Dean reaches for his back bag and tugs something from the side pocket.

“You forgot your scarf,” Dean gruffly says. He pushes the blue scarf into Cas’s hands, not waiting for a reply.

Cas takes it, but says nothing. They both stare at the ground.

“Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean finally says. It feels awful to be standing here in this awkward silence, because that’s not them. Everything is usually so easy between them.

Cas shakes his head. “Balthazar’s an ass,” Cas says then. “But I still like him.”

“Okay,” Dean says, because he doesn’t know what else to say. It’s an apology and a warning all rolled into one, but Dean’s glad to take it.

They stand around in a silence for a minute, still hesitant, until Dean decides to take the plunge. He pulls Cas into a one-armed hug, clumsily, because Cas doesn’t move his feet at all, and Dean’s forced to lean into Cas. Dean’s back bag digs into Castiel’s side and Dean can feel Cas’s bag against his hip. Then, surprisingly, Cas turns in Dean’s arms and pulls him into a full hug. Dean spares one, hesitant thought at what it must look like, two boys hugging in the middle of school yard, before giving in and hugging Cas back with the same force. Castiel clings to Dean just as much as Dean clings to Cas, and while Dean was hesitant to hug at all first, now he’s not letting go at all.

Castiel, in the end, pushes Dean away and gives him a stern look.

“You don’t fix what’s not broken, Dean,” Cas says, and he sounds a thousand years older than he really is. Dean just solemnly nods and takes the words to heart, although he doesn’t understand them at the moment, and even if they don’t recognize it right then, something changes between them.

 

* * *

 

After their first fight, they’re a bit more tentative around each other for a while, until they figure out that it’s okay to be angry sometimes, because in the end, they make up and everything returns to normal. Castiel comes back to Dean’s house to play _Tekken 3_ , and Dean goes to Castiel’s to do his homework, and all is well.

All is well, until it’s not. Because months fly by, and suddenly, it’s summer again, and Dean should’ve expected the heavy, sad thud that his heart makes when dad announces that he’s sending Dean and Sam off to a camp again.

Sam fights tooth and nail against it, but in the end, nothing can persuade dad otherwise. Dean is more subdued; he fights with dad about it a few times, but mostly, he just represses his anger and tries to console himself by thinking that at least Cas is going to be there. Sam isn’t as optimistic. He keeps telling dad and Dean that he liked the camp one time, but going twice would be a waste of time, because there’s nothing new there.

Dad doesn’t listen. They’re sent off to the camp. At least the drive there is much more fun, since dad picks up Castiel as well, and they arrive together. Castiel’s presence is the only difference; dad drops them at the gates like previous years, and drives off, not wasting much time for goodbyes or listening to Sam’s pleas. Sam sticks his tongue after the car, and Cas doesn’t say anything when they walk up to the gates. Dean thinks the whole thing is unnerving.

“Hello, Castiel!” a lady greets them. “Lovely to see you back again!”

Castiel doesn’t think so, and Dean nearly shudders at the stare that Cas levels at the lady. Dean remembers that Cas said once that he’s gone to this same camp ever since he could attend, and they’re now twelve, so that means that Cas has been here five times. This is Dean’s third time, and _he_ thinks it’s getting boring.

“Can’t we call Ellen and Bobby?” Sam complains when they’re given their rooms. This time, Sam and Dean aren’t sharing the cottage; Dean’s sharing with Cas, and Sam is rooming with someone called Brady.

“We can try,” Dean says, but he’s unsure. Sam huffs and stalks off, leaving Dean and Cas to settle into their cottage.

Cas has been quiet for the whole time, and he doesn’t say anything as he chooses the bed on the right side and throws his bag on it. Dean puts his stuff on the left side of the cottage, opening his bag and starting to arrange clothes just so he has something to do with his hands.

“I hate this,” Cas murmurs, and Dean turns around. Cas sits on his bed, looking dejected and frustrated.

“I’ve built everything they want us to build,” Cas says. “I’ve cooked everything, I’ve played every stupid game and made every stupid paper mache figure they want us to make. I’m sick of this stupid place.”

Dean’s surprised; Cas rarely gets this angry or frustrated about anything. But then again, Dean was angry just after one year of the camp, and this is Cas’s sixth time. It’s no wonder he’s frustrated.

“It’s not so bad,” Dean tries, although he knows it’s a feeble attempt. Cas sees right through it, snorting dismissively.

“I hate it here.”

“Maybe your mom just thinks you like it here,” Dean says. He carefully sits down next to Cas, as if Cas is a frightened animal.

“My mom doesn’t want me,” Cas confides. He looks tired, and the look breaks Dean’s heart. “I know she doesn’t care. But it still fucking _sucks_ that she pretends.”

“That’s, uh, that’s not true, Cas.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Well, I care,” Dean says. “I care about you, Cas.” He knows it’s not enough, but Castiel soaks up the words like he’s dying. He throws his arms around Dean’s neck and falls right into Dean, and Dean catches him and hugs Castiel tight. They stay like that for a while, until Dean feels that Cas’s breaths against his neck are evening out. He gives Cas one more, comforting squeeze, before sitting up. Cas leans away.

“Hey,” Dean says, gently, “We don’t have to do anything. We can just skip everything and hide in the woods.”

“And do what?” Cas asks, shaking his head.

“What we always do. I dunno. We’ll think of something.” Dean grins. “Or maybe we can light up this place. Like, do pranks and stuff.”

Cas gives him a half-hearted smile.

“Cas,” Dean says, “we’re in this together. Alright?”

“Well,” Cas says, smiling naturally now, “you’re the only thing that’s not stupid about this place.”

“Hey, Sammy counts, too.”

“He’s not you,” Cas says, and there’s something heavy in those words. Dean flushes under Cas’s stare, and he has to look elsewhere. For a second, Dean is confused – he’s not sure why Cas suddenly makes him feel unsure. Cas is the one, rare constant in Dean’s world. Even when dad’s absent with no notice of when he’ll be back, even when Sammy’s acting up and refusing to talk to Dean, at least he can count on Cas always being there.

Dean hides his momentarily confusion in picking the sheets, and then suddenly looks up. “Twigs under pillows and mattresses. That’s a start, right?”

Castiel smirks, and that’s how it gets started. Some kids are stupid enough to leave their cottages unlocked, so it’s easy to slip into people’s rooms and leave branches, leaves and twigs in their beds. When they discover to their great delight that even some adults are that careless, they fill someone’s pillow entirely with twigs and are nearly caught when the guy in question (Victor, who’s nice but stern and a hilarious sight when he’s angry) yells about it one morning. After that, people start to lock up their cottages, but Dean and Cas notice that most windows are still unlocked, so it’s again easy to slip in. This time, they move everyone’s stuff just a little, so that everyone will notice it but can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. They put people’s clothing in wrong bags and take the sheets out and fold them neatly in the corner. Dean makes the discovery that Castiel has the greatest poker face ever, whereas Dean has to bite his lips in order not to laugh when Brady complains one morning that he’s got cooties, because someone put a girl’s panties in his bag.

Obviously, everyone getting more and more annoyed only eggs them on, so their next operation is to steal left-over paper mache and make shark fins outs of them. They terrify several kids in the water, which only makes Cas shake his head.

“This is inland,” he notes, “there aren’t sharks anywhere near us. They clearly need to study more.”

It’s only when they attempt to change the flour into a bag of salt during a cooking class that they’re caught. Very literally, in fact: Jody grabs Dean by his hoodie and snatches Cas’s arm, and escorts them out of the cafeteria. The other campers stare in confusion as Jody drags them out, leaving only a trail of flour in the air behind them.

“That’s it,” Jody says, suddenly very tiredly, “you’re going home. You’ve clearly had enough of this, and we’ve had enough of you two.”

“But Jody, we were just getting started!” Dean protests. Cas snorts a laughter from Jody’s other side.

“And we thank you for the entertainment, but we’ve had enough,” Jody says.

For the first time ever, the camp seems to end too soon.

 

* * *

 

Dad isn’t amused when he comes to retrieve Dean, Sam and Cas. He huffs and puffs as he loads up the boys in the car, and makes the boys sit in the backseat while he talks to Jody. They can’t hear what’s being discussed, but just seeing Jody’s stern face and dad’s red face is enough to send the boys in a fit of laughter. Sam isn’t as amused by this; he maintains that he did nothing wrong and didn’t know about Dean and Cas’s prank streak, and he’s the innocent victim in all of this. (But he doesn’t protest to being pulled out of the camp.)

But the best thing is dad angrily muttering on their drive home, “You’re never going to that camp again,” like it’s a punishment. Dean and Cas only barely hide their snickers, and even Sam smiles behind his hands.

 

* * *

 

They’re waiting for the English lesson to start when Dean turns backwards in his seat, taps Cas on the forehead with his pen, and asks, “Do you wanna go somewhere this summer?”

“Winchester wants take his boyfriend out camping!” Gordon Walker yells from the other line of desks.

Dean flips Gordon off without turning around. He simply shoots a wide grin at Cas, who in turn shoots a confused look at Dean, for two reasons.

“Aren’t you working?” Cas asks out loud. The other reason he doesn’t name is that he’s seen Dean wear the same grin when he asked out Rhonda Hurley, and when he asked out Lisa Braeden. It’s a little unnerving, but not unwelcome. Castiel just isn’t sure what it’s supposed to mean.

“I’m not working all the time,” Dean says. He squirms in his seat. “I just meant, like, it’s been ages since we hung out. Just the two of us.”

Castiel nods. It really has been a long time since Dean and Castiel had the chance to spend time together. While they still see each other almost every day at school, their time outside of it is limited. Dean has been working at a local grocery shop for three years now, since he was fourteen, so that and rugby practice takes up almost all of his free time. (And looking out for Sam, although that’s something that none of them admit out loud.) Castiel doesn’t have a job, even for the summer – in fact, his mother still refuses to let Cas get work, insisting that he should put all that time to studying, so that’s what Cas has done. Between enduring his mother’s stern eyes, studying and tutoring, Cas doesn’t really get out much. Even his weekend visits to Dean have started to wane, now that his mother insists on taking him to scout colleges.

But their junior year is heading to a close, and summer is around the corner, which means more free time for both Dean and Cas. For all the past summers – throughout middle school and high school – Dean has either worked, or been sent to Ellen and Bobby’s (which he enjoyed), and Cas has either studied under his mother’s watchful eye, or been sent to Uncle Zachariah’s (which he didn’t enjoy). This time, though, if they plan carefully, they might be able to avoid missing each other completely.

“I was thinking,” Dean continues, “I mean… what do you think of camping?”

“Never go out camping with Winchester,” Gordon remarks, “he’s gonna molest you in the woods!”

“In your dreams, Walker,” Dean says, again without looking at him. Nobody else even bats an eye at Gordon – his odd, one-sided hatecrush on Dean is widely known – but Castiel glares at him until Gordon visibly pales and turns away.

“Camping,” Castiel then repeats at Dean, as if he didn’t just mentally smite Gordon Walker out of existence, “I’ve never really done that.”

“Neither have I,” Dean shrugs, unconcerned. “But I was thinking, uh, about that nearby lake. That… you know.”

Castiel smiles at Dean’s hesitance. Of course he remembers the awful, awful summer camps they were forced to attend when they were young. The only good outcome of those camps was that Castiel got to know Dean (and Sam). For that reason, Castiel can forgive many lonely summers, cones thrown at the back of his head and being locked out of his cottage four times.

Time has unfortunately long since stripped the mystery and the excitement shrouding the summer camp they used to frequent. When Dean was fourteen, dad finally revealed that he’d been seeing somebody called Kate for years, and had a son called Adam with her. Despite predicting it, it still hurt when Dean and Sam realized that while they’d been eating smores in the woods, their dad had used those four weeks each year to spend time with Kate and Adam. All those long absences, all those times dad couldn’t be at home because he had “business trips,” those were all days he’d devoted to Kate and Adam. Castiel doesn’t recall ever seeing Dean as angry as when he told Cas this. Absolutely to no one’s surprise Dean got a job very quickly after that and started to spend even more time at school, or hanging out in the library with Cas, or taking Sam out to the mall during weekends. Castiel’s never asked, because he doesn’t need to: he knows that things are still strained in the Winchester household and that John Winchester is there only when it’s absolutely necessary. Most of the time, he’s on the road, working, or “working.”

Still, thinking about past summers reminds Castiel of something. “Camp Feel-Good doesn’t exist anymore, Dean.”

“God, I can’t believe that was its actual name. That’s the worst name ever.”

“That factor probably contributed to its cancellation,” Castiel says, and Dean snorts.

“Not to mention the security problems,” Dean says. “Seriously, did they ever do a headcount during the day? I can’t believe they never caught us sneaking off.”

“I’m fairly sure that we weren’t as clever as we believed,” Cas notes. “The area wasn’t that big. They probably saw us or heard us all the time.”

“Don’t take this away from me, Cas,” Dean jokes. “I’m allowed to believe I was at least once cleverer than grown-ups.”

“Poor Jody,” Castiel says, and Dean snickers.

“Yeah, poor Jody. Though I still think that she didn’t need to kick us out for that. We just lightened up the place!”

“I’m sure everyone else would disagree.”

“Spoilsports.”

“So, what, a trip down the memory lane?” Cas asks, smiling. Dean grins back.

“Aw, that’s so romantic,” Gordon Walker coos, abruptly pulling them out of the conversation. “Gonna propose to your boyfriend in the woods, Winchester?”

“Real original, Walker,” Dean says, rolling his eyes. “How about you get a life and stay the fuck out of things that have nothing to do with you?”

“Blow me, Winchester.”

“Not even if you paid me.”

Thanks to a miraculous timing, their English teacher finally makes an appearance, and narrowly stops Dean and Gordon getting into a fight right in the middle of the classroom. The class finally starts, but even when he’s taking notes, Castiel can’t help but let his mind wander.

He thinks about Dean, and the invitation, and the lake, and smiles to himself.

 

* * *

 

It takes a little planning, a little deception and a little lying to throw off both Cas’s mom and Dean’s dad their track, but they manage to find a week when they’re both free. Dean okays his absence with Sam – Sam’s actually going to Ellen and Bobby’s that week, and Dean plans to join him sometime afterwards for a while – and suddenly, school wraps up and it’s time. Cas picks Dean up with his Nissan that Dean never ceases to make fun of, but secretly, they both like it, because it’s a means to a small amount of freedom.

They don’t have a clear plan, just a few bullet points of what they want to do that week; they don’t even know what’s down the lake where Camp Feel-Good used to be. It’s entirely possible that some other summer camp has claimed to place and they need to continue driving – in worst case scenario, they’ll just go to Ellen and Bobby’s and abandon adventure altogether – but when they enter the small sand road leading down to the lake, it’s clear that the road hasn’t been used in a while. The place where the camp used to be is abandoned as well; the cottages are still there, but they’re empty, and the gates that used to be so huge and intimidating are now simply a few boards barely nailed together. The place has obviously been abandoned for a few years, and while it’s somewhat unsettling, it’s also good news to them.

“Last one in a haunted cottage cooks tonight,” Dean says as he jumps out of the car.

“If you manage to find even a single ghost here, I’ll cook for the rest of your life,” Cas says. He takes out his bag of the trunk, clearly unconcerned with Dean’s challenge.

“I want that in writing.”

They explore the place, and it becomes clear that there hasn’t been any activity in the cottages for a while; they’re all locked up and dusty, and on the door of the main building is a short notice that simply says “for sale” and a contact number. Dean and Cas shrug and continue to look around the place that they had to endure for so many summers. It’s an odd feeling, like they’re walking on their own, little footprints, but with a giant’s outlook. The woods that seemed endless around the complex really aren’t that big, and they quickly run into a fence.

“I told you,” Cas says, victoriously, when Dean scowls at the fence.

“It seemed to be farther when we were kids.”

Cas nods. He notices something as he turns around, and smiles. “Remember that tree?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s an _ostrya virginiana_.”

“Show-off,” Dean snorts. They make their way through the forest, just walking in silence, arms comfortably brushing against each other. It feels comfortable, usual, like it’s something they’ve always done, but Dean finds himself thinking that something is missing.

They stumble on a clearing, and it takes them a second to identify the place. Dean’s (and Cas’s) secret beach has remained the same, with the waves unhurriedly lapping the sand. Dean and Cas stand silently side by side, suddenly not knowing what to say.

Dean breaks the silence by blurting out, “We went to skinny dipping the first time we met,” and that is suddenly the most hilarious thing ever. Who does that, really? Well, apart from a couple of 10-year-olds who were both feeling particularly lonely.

“That wasn’t the first time we met,” Castiel argues. “We met a year earlier.”

“That sucky conversation doesn’t count,” Dean says.

“But we talked.”

“I called you a freak, Cas.”

“It’s still a conversation.”

“Whatever,” Dean says, shaking his head fondly. He looks at the shore. “Hey, wanna go swimming?”

“Now?”

“Well, someone once told me I shouldn’t swim alone.”

“I don’t have swimming trunks with me,” Cas hesitates, but Dean can spot the small smile tugging his lips. Dean grins back.

“I don’t either,” Dean says. They look at each other, hesitantly, and there’s something in the air right then: they’re both calculating, wondering is it okay to take a step in this direction and wondering if they’re even headed to the same direction.

Dean takes the first step towards the water. He discards his clothes quickly, not wanting to look back, and throws his t-shirt and jeans and sneakers somewhere behind him. He doesn’t hesitate in taking off his socks, but he pauses for a microsecond before yanking off his boxers, throwing them over his shoulder and racing into the water. The water isn’t cold but it’s not warm, either, and he gasps as he throws himself into it and simply dives underwater, trusting his memory of the shore.

When Dean surfaces, he doesn’t dare to look back until he hears a soft gasp – Cas is slowly making his way into the water. Dean turns around, and for a second, his heart stops, because Cas is standing right there, buck naked, and the water is only coming up to his knees. He can see the lines of Cas’s firm legs underwater, and while he tries not to look, his eyes roam over every detail of Cas’s body.

“Getting used to the temperature?” Dean teases, because that’s something that Cas has always done. Dean’s never understood it.

“Just treading carefully,” Cas says. He looks at Dean, and Dean has no idea how and why he understands it, but he does. There’s something in the air again, buzzing between them, and Dean doesn’t know if it’s the stupidest idea he’s ever had, but he does it nonetheless.

Dean swims towards Cas. Cas seems to anticipate that, opening his arms for the attack before Dean lunges at Cas. They fall into the water together, laughing, and wrestle for the upper hand. Cas pins Dean down on the shallow water, but Dean kick the water, and suddenly, they’re throwing water at each other and laughing whenever they don’t have their mouths full of water. Dean swims away, and Cas follows him to the deeper water, and when Cas catches Dean, Dean lets it happen, lets Cas tug him into an odd watery hug.

Their fight slows down, until it stops. They’re floating in the water, occasionally kicking to stay up, but they’re suddenly tangled together. Cas’s fingers are still moving on Dean’s arms, making slow, caressing motions. Dean’s palms are pressing Cas’s lower back, a firm and consoling weight there, but neither of them moves forward. They’re both aware of just how close their bodies are, legs touching as they kick the water and crotches occasionally brushing, sending jolts of excitement through them both.

Dean’s never been as scared and yet, so sure in his life. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen – he doesn’t know how Cas will react, if he will react, how everything’s going to go on after this.

But somehow, the ignorance feels okay. They’ve been here before; they’ve laid all the groundwork for this, maneuvered around all the traps already, and so they both have a silent, strong confidence in each other.

“Dean,” Cas says, and it’s a silent plead that Dean can’t and won’t ignore. He leans all the way towards Cas, and seals their lips together. Cas’s hands instantly fly to his hair, weaving in between the wet strands and pulling Dean close. The contrast of the cold water on their skin and the warmth of their mouths feels wonderful, and Dean truly feels like he’s drowning on it. Cas kisses his breath away, and then kisses his face, leaving little kisses everywhere until his face feels warm and his heart’s racing madly.

“So, Dean,” Cas asks, and though he’s smiling, there’s hesitation in his voice. “Do you want to build a house with me?”

Dean can’t help it. He starts to laugh. Embarrassed, Cas drops his hands and kicks until he’s a few feet away from Dean. Before Cas can completely escape, Dean takes Cas’s hand, and leans in to kiss Cas again. He doesn’t have to answer Cas’s question – it’s too soon for that, he thinks, but as he lets his fingers tangle with Cas’s, he knows that Cas understands that.

Whatever may happen the next minute, the next year, the next five years, Dean has confidence that they’ll get through it. Whatever they’ll encounter, they’ll get through it – together.


End file.
